Reflections at 36 Weeks

As I approach the last few weeks of pregnancy with this little guy inside me, I have so much flowing through my mind and heart. I have an influx of feelings- joy, anxiety, excitement, fear, even some dread. This has been the most painful pregnancy I have had but I expected that. I knew with each pregnancy, the pain gets more intense as we carry differently and our bodies respond differently. I have been really encouraged by women at my church, mothers of three, four and five children. They remind me they survived and what a blessing it is to have four children.

Randy and I laughed a lot at the beginning of this surprise pregnancy but now we find ourselves talking at night, a little sad we didn't have as much time with Porter as the baby. We are really enjoying him right now at this stage. He is so funny and just all boy! Before having him, we thought it would be nice to have all girls but now with him in our lives we cannot imagine it any other way! He climbs, flirts, shouts about football, makes us laugh and eats like a man. I am happy to be bringing a little brother into the mix for him but could have used a little more time before doing so!

I don't want to forget pregnancy but in so many ways I cannot wait for it to be over. I want to have relief from all the bathroom trips, the contractions, the odd shape and obstacle my growing stomach provides but at the same time I know the miracle of it all and the days of feeling a rambunctious little boy bounce around in there and kick are numbered. I cannot say for sure if we are done. I would like to be but I cannot imagine making such a permanent decision as surgery. Birth control pills and other methods have obviously not been very successful for us but of course we would not change that in a million years. Each baby has been an amazing experience and blessing and over the years I have learned more about birth control and the way many of them work which has led me and Randy both to avoid most methods, namely medications and devices. I would love to explain this further so if interested, just ask me!

Overall, I am curious about how this baby will present himself. Each labor has proved to be quicker than the last and they have all come before 39 weeks but every one is different, right? Should I expect the same with Turner or will he throw us for a loop? I have been afraid to pray for an epidural but oh Lord, what I would not give for a little more warning with this labor, and a little more time and a little more peace in the delivery room. I know His timing is perfect and I trust Him.

I probably won't post again until he arrives but I hope to document a lot more of our lives in 2016. 2015 flew by and very little got written while a great amount got done!